Incoming telephone calls after 10 PM when I have pneumonia will not be accepted. Conditions under which it is OK to call after 10 PM when I have pneumonia include the following:

1.) My apartment is on fire.
2.) I am dying or dead.
3.) A member of my family is dying or dead.
4.) You are dying or dead.
5.) Attack by foreign air or ground forces has put me in imminent danger and you’re bringing over guns and ammunition with which to fight said forces back.
6.) A large object such as an asteroid or comet is going to strike the earth, rendering the human race nonexistent. (This exception does not apply if the object is scheduled to strike the earth after I have to be at work, because the human race being rendered nonexistent is not a valid reason for me to miss work.)
7.) I have won, through good fortune or someone’s death, an amount of money in excess of $5 million.
8.) I have not seen you in more than 5 years and you are in town for one night only.

Your cooperation is greatly appreciated.

That is all.