Morton Malaise

She got these eyes.
She got these eyes that shoot across sarcasm and make a laugh and a smile that make a man lose himself.
She roll across the world like she got nothing to lose.
She stand for herself like she ain’t missed nothin’ ’cause she got a kiss that stands on two feet [...]

Reasons “mentally unstable” (read batshit) pantless guy may have jumped in the river:
- Free shower!
- Sounded like fun at the time.
- Being attacked by a swarm of Africanized bees.
- Those kooky Bradley kids threw his pants in the river, and thought it was hilarious!
- REALLY wanted to go to Texas Roadhouse, couldn’t figure out [...]

It has come to my attention that the Morton Chamber of Commerce has cancelled the Punkin Chuckin contest this year. This is unacceptable. I ask everyone to join me in pleading with the Chamber to reverse their terrible, terrible decision. I feel that cancelling the Punkin Chuckin contest will be disastrous for the booming tourism [...]

You should still read this.

Some from the car show on 7/14, and the pictures from volleyball on Sunday will be up this evening. Enjoy! Or don’t. Whatever.
Morton Malaise’s Flickr Page

I felt brain matter melting away as this was taking place. And people wonder why this place drives me nuts….
“I really don’t like olives.”
“Oh, I like olives, but I like pickles more.”
“Yeah, me too. I LOVE pickles.”
“I like pickles wrapped in lunch meat with cream cheese.”
“That sounds good. I’ll have to get that recipe from [...]

There’s a stupid survey going around MySpace right now called “You or your girlfriend”. Basically, people are supposed to say whether they or their significant other holds an advantage in certain categories. My good friend Max decided to complete said survey from the perspective of a bear or a robot. This is hilarious, and if [...]

Tonight, it looks like I might head down to the riverfront for a while to catch Bubblegum Jack and meet up with some friends. After that, it’s pretty much up in the air. With the weather expected to be so nice (Around 55 degrees), somewhere outdoors has to be in the forecast; probably Martini’s or [...]

In addition to the general rules that apply for all drinking, found here, there are a few additional guidelines to follow while at the Winchester.
1.) Don’t even think about asking them to change the channel of the TV the Tigers game is on. Seriously. It’s not a good idea.
2.) The table by the Golden Tee [...]

Warning:Politically incorrect humor ahead. If you don’t like it, change the channel.
Actual conversation at Webb’s in Washburn on Saturday afternoon:
“He came home all drunk, got out of the truck, and his leg fell off.”
“What, like he had a fake leg?”
“Nono, his real leg. It was all rotted and smelly, and it just fell off. His [...]