There’s a stupid survey going around MySpace right now called “You or your girlfriend”. Basically, people are supposed to say whether they or their significant other holds an advantage in certain categories. My good friend Max decided to complete said survey from the perspective of a bear or a robot. This is hilarious, and if you don’t think so, I don’t like you.

___________________________________________________________________________

So apparently you’re supposed to answer this survey with yourself and “your significant other”, but that would be waaay too easy… I like a challenge. For those of you that know me, enjoy. If you don’t know me, don’t be afraid…
~ Max.

– BEAR OR ROBOT –

1. Who eats more?
Bear. Bear is a ravenous beast with insatiable hunger. He eats everything from picnic necessities, to smaller forest critters, to people. Especially people. Robot does not need food, he opperates on a steady intake of old people’s medicine and terror.

2. Who said “I love you” first?
Robot. I mean, let’s not be silly here, Bear can’t talk. And although, yes, those words are in Robot’s speech programming, they would never be uttered in that succession under any circumstance. However, should you replace “love” with another word, say “kill”, then Robot would still easily win, but on a far grander margin.

3. Who weighs more?
This one goes to Bear, but it’s a tuffy… Bear is smaller than Robot, and can weigh upwards of fourteen tons. Robot, on the other hand, is made out of massive amounts of metal, but it’s space age metal which is lighter and better suited for crafting sharp claws and bullets. Robot is capable of crushing boulders with his feet, but I don’t think this is a weight issue, it’s a testament to Robot’s sheer power.

4. Who sings better?
Robot. Bear just growls and roars a lot. Which could be misconstrued as singing I suppose…probally by others bears mostly. Robot is built with plenty of beeping and buzzing functions, but is incapable of coordinating those sounds into anything that does not result in human suffering.

5. Who’s Older?
Bear. Robot was just built in a factory off the coast of New Jersey a few days ago. Bear has been ruthlessly killing things for years. It’s a good thing that time doesn’t teach savagery, or Bear would be an unstoppable menace!

6. Who’s smarter?
Robot. His Automatic Inteligence is no match for Bear’s natural animal instinct. Robot can do multiplication problems, Bear can not.

7. Who’s temper is worse?
Bear. Robot only has two settings: off and kill. Bear is capable of flying off the handle at any given moment, and his killing sprees can run the gamut from simple horror to appocalyptic rage.

8. Who’s feet are bigger?
Robot. Robot is capable of stepping on a car or buggy, and not even noticing. Bear’s feet are big as your face, but that’s not big enough here..

9. Who’s hair is longer?
Bear. Although, Robot could cover himself in hair if that would help him destroy humanity better.

10. Who’s better with the computer?
Robot. Bear can’t eat computer…

11. Who drives when you are together?
Robot. Bear has no thumbs. Oddly enough though, Bear can change a tire better… Who knew?

12. Who pays when you go out ?
Robot. When short on cash Robot can just kill someone and lift their wallet. Bear would just kill them and savage their corpse.

13. Who’s the most stubborn?
Robot. When someone escapes up a tree, Bear must finally sleep. Robot on the other hand could just blow up tree after tree until there were no more trees. Then he would move on to office buildings and churches and orphanariums… Long story short, Robot does not need to sleep. Just more old people’s medicine for fuel.

14. Who is the first one to admit when they’re wrong?
Bear. Robot is incapable of flaws. He must follow protocol. So, by default, Bear takes this round.

15. Who’s parents do you see more?
Bear. Bear’s mother is on display in a zoo in San Francisco, while his father is stuffed and mounted near the entrance of an Applebee’s in Nebraska. Robot killed his creators when he escaped from the warehouse.

17. Who kissed who first?
Robot kissed Bear. Robot is programmed for romance, and all other human emotions. Therefore, Robot is the more romantic of the two. Bear nibbled at Robot’s neck soon after that first kiss, but finding no meat, he quickly lost interest.

18. Who asked who out?
Robot asked Bear out. In all honesty, it was all just a trick to lure Bear away from his natural habitat so that Robot could kill all the humans in the forest.

19. Who’s more sensitive?
Robot. Robot is programmed to understand all human emotion, and exploit it. Bear is a heartless beast who won’t stop killing even if he’s missing a limb or taken a hatchet to the face.

20. Who’s taller?
Robot. He towers over buildings, while Bear just towers over hunters and SUVs. If Robot finds an obstacle that is taller than him, he builds a bigger Robot.

21. Who has more friends?
Neither Bear or Robot has friends. Robot blew his friends and builders up in order to test his weapons system. Bear ate his friends because he was hungry. Friends are delicious.

22. Who has more siblings?
Bear. Robot has no family, and shares no emotion. Though Bear must father offspring, he usually ends up eating them due to his voracious appetite.

23. Who wears the pants in the relationship?
Robot. He assimilated the pants technology upon learning of its importance. Since then, Robot has painted a pair of pants on himself in order to better blend in with human culture. Pants are just packaging for meat in Bear’s eyes.