July 26, 2007
Give me pumpkins flying at high velocity or give me death!!
Posted by mortonmalaise under Uncategorized[7] Comments
It has come to my attention that the Morton Chamber of Commerce has cancelled the Punkin Chuckin contest this year. This is unacceptable. I ask everyone to join me in pleading with the Chamber to reverse their terrible, terrible decision. I feel that cancelling the Punkin Chuckin contest will be disastrous for the booming tourism industry in Morton. First it’s the contest, then the Pumpkin Festival, then that nifty store on Main Street that puts peoples names on ceramic pumpkins, then the fields of rotting pumpkin corpses that make Morton smell like dog shit for 2 months, and next thing you know, Cat and Libby’s move out, and Morton turns into another Canton. What is the Chamber of Commerce to do?? I have a few humble suggestions to make more people attend the rite of Fall as old as time, because time started in 2001 when I moved here:
- Sell alcohol.
- Moving targets, preferably Star Trucking semis. This is completely unrelated to the 53′ Star truck that drove down Lakeland Ave in the middle of the night last night, rattling my windows.
- Point the trebuchets at each other.
- Set the pumpkins on fire before launching them, then coat the field in flash paper.
- Cash prizes, courtesy of Soderstrom Dermatology.
- Full color 8X10 glossy photos of YOUR car being smashed by a pumpkin! Only $30!!
- Corn dogs. Meat on a stick always brings a crowd.
- Live radio remote by 102.3 Max FM with those kooky Miller Lite girls! They’re so crazy!!!
- DO IT WHEN IT’S NOT 40 DEGREES OUT.
- Serve beer.
The Chamber can do with this information what it will, but be warned, your decision will determine the economic well-being of our fine community for years to come.
July 26th, 2007 at 6:32 pm
I second that motion! I think flaming pumpkins flying thru the air and/or into Star trucks is a beautiful idea. I for one would drag myself out in 40 degree weather to watch that.
Oh! You were close on the smell, but I think rotting corpses in composte meets pig farm on a breezy day might be more accurate. Gotta love Morton in the fall!
July 27th, 2007 at 6:33 pm
How about copying Madison Wisconsin’s Pumpkin Reggata. Any bodies of water in Morton?
http://www.hort.wisc.edu/HortClub/pumpreg06.html
July 30th, 2007 at 7:42 am
There’s Lake Ossami, but I’m not sure how large of a regata would fit, plus the Homeowner’s Assocation would have a collective shit fit. Maybe they could use the lake up by Hyde Park. Wait, that wouldn’t work either. That lake is for use by residents of Hyde Park only.
July 31st, 2007 at 7:29 am
You know, Morton just doesn’t get it sometimes.
I’ve lived here years, and there are still things about Morton that annoy me:
1. Every reataurant is crowded and not worth waiting for. It’s like they build everything small on purpose, afraid of “progess”. If Morton had a Hooters, all the waitresses would be A cups, y’know?
2. Services. So I need something fixed, call up whoever, they say 9 am tomorrow, and they show up 8. Who in the hell comes early? Makes no difference who I call or what the service is, they all come early.
3. Apostolic Christians (and Grace Christians for that matter). They run this town. Ever been in the public library? All Christian fiction. I’m not surprised no one has complained that public tax money is being used to fund religion through the public library. If I want to go to a good library, I drive to *gulp* Pekin.
The world is truly messed up when people go to Pekin to find a book to read.
Keep blogging.
August 1st, 2007 at 10:20 am
Complaining about workmen showing up early? LOL… in Peoria you are lucky if they show up at all.
On to a different point:
I think it was a mistake for Morton to separate the parade-festival from the punkin chuckin. We went to the pumpkin fest a couple years when our son was little and the chunkin was the same day. Was great. The only thing that could have made it better is if they had some sort of shuttle going back n forth from the festival to the artillery range, saving some annoying driving and reparking.
August 1st, 2007 at 8:29 pm
A few items of note:
#1: I second both of Mahkno’s comments. Having service show up EARLY? I love it! Also, the two Pumpkin events should never have been separated.
#2: Lakeland? Oh, crap! We live on the same side of town, although I bet you are much closer to the Marathon that was formerly a Casey’s.
#3: “Agreed” in an idiot. The library may be suckish, but only because it is a CITY library. You live outside the city limits and you have to pay you borrow a book.
August 2nd, 2007 at 10:42 am
Hey now, watch the Canton comments! I’m allowed to make fun of Canton, having gone to school there, etc. And Canton does have the lack of AC’s going for it, which is nice:)
Lines of trebuchets pointed at each other as they fling flaming pumpkins while the spectators dance around like savages drinking beer and eating meat on a stick??? This sounds like a kick-ass time!!! Where do we sign up???