Dearly Beloved Cubs,
I know you’re scared. I know you feel like you should play like you did in May and not like you did in July and August. I know your ace pitcher has a terrible temper. I know you couldn’t bring a RISP home if you put home plate on top of second base. But please, for the love of all that is holy, don’t get swept in the first round of the playoffs. You ripped my guts out the whole second half of the year, and thank GOD Milwaukee choked late. Just because you backed into the playoffs doesn’t mean you have to give up in the Division Series.

99 fucking years. Please. Don’t get swept. PLEASE. NLCS, fine. World Series, I can deal with. Not the NLDS. Please.