My friend Andrea made the statement yesterday during the Colts-Patriots NFL-Sports Press Quarterback Cocksucking Festival that Max and I have officially run out of things to talk about, so now we’re just making stuff up and doing everything in our power to annoy people who don’t know us and amuse those who do. Among the things we screamed at the televisions yesterday at the Winchester:

“MAKE HIS HEAD BLEED!!”- For those that don’t know, this is a reference to the movie “Swingers”, when Jon Favreau asked Vince Vaughn to make Wayne Gretzky’s head bleed on the Sega NHL game.

“YOU GOTTA PUT A BODY ON THAT GUY!!!”- This statement was made every time anyone broke a play longer than 5 yards, OR when a defensive player made a sack or tackle for a loss.

“PENALTY- TOUCHING TOM BRADY, ON THE DEFENSE. 50 YARD PENALTY AND FREE 10 POINTS FOR THE PATRIOTS. STILL SECOND DOWN!”- A reference to Tom Brady’s untouchable status. There were also many comments made about his hair and pretty face. Use your imagination.

“YOU GOTTA CATCH THAT BALL!!!”- This was to be yelled only when it made no sense, such as during a running play or kickoff.

“BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE!!!”- Can be yelled at any time. Just fucking hilarious.

All of this was interspersed with really bad jokes, mostly involving dead babies and animals walking into bars. “You can’t just leave that lyin’ there!” “It’s not a lion, it’s a giraffe.”

I also called the Patriots cheaters about 45330653 times. Because they are.