Please do not sneeze on yourself and then grab my bags of food with your dirty hands. Also, try to be a little bit MORE of a bitch when you serve your customers. You chose Avanti’s, not me. If you don’t like it, go work at Panera. Sneeze on some fucking paninis or something. Not my delicious Gondola.

AND THAT IS NOT FUCKING MAYONNAISE IT’S FUCKING MIRACLE WHIP AND IT’S FUCKING DISGUSTING!!!! How many people have to complain about the gross-ass generic Miracle Whip at Avanti’s before they get real mayo? Same to you, La Gondola!!! MAYONNAISE!!! NOW!!!!

And another thing! I don’t know what you people are putting in the grease and burger concoction you call a “pasta sauce” over there, but I have yet to meet one person- NOT ONE- whose ass doesn’t turn into a garden hose when they eat it. I don’t know where you get your tomatoes, but I get the feeling they come in a white jug that says “Metamucil” or “Saline Solution” on the side. Joke’s over. Stop it.

And really, does a quasi-Italian restaurant REALLY NEED a scrolling marquee? Really? Are there revue shows on alternating nights of the week? Do you have a delicious ice cream flavor of the day like Culver’s? No? Then no lighted sign for you. Plus, Fondulac Bank has one. Share theirs. It’s a win-win for everybody.

By the way, the gondolas are delicious. Keep up the good work.