I don’t like Winter. I think I have made this abundantly clear to anyone who will listen. This winter has been particularly difficult, and I would like Mr. Frost to know all the grief he has caused me.

1.) You owe me a 17X7 5-spoke aluminum wheel for a 2003 SVT Focus, you assclown. Because of your snow and ice, plows turned War Drive into Swiss cheese. When I think of fun things to do in the snow after midnight, I don’t really think of laying in it in the dark, putting a spare tire on my car when I’m half crocked. By the way, a new wheel is $450, a reconditioned wheel is $225, and a wheel from a salvage yard in good condition is $150 plus shipping from upstate New York.

2.) Ice and snow are slippery.

3.) I have to smoke outside. This is a new thing this year, and, well, I don’t like it. However, it does give me an opportunity to litter. I’m always up for some littering. There’s really nothing quite so beautiful as a sidewalk covered in wet cigarette butts.

4.) The fan in my heater is extremely loud. The droning noise takes away from the sound of the stereo.

While the winter does have certain advantages, such as not having to mow grass, the disadvantages far outweigh them. Just a couple more months. I can do this. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.

4.)