Morton Malaise

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me at the Blogger Bash last night, speaking to Billy about the two girls at the end of the bar: “See, I COULD go talk to those girls right now, but they’d be like, ‘This guy’s drunk’, so I’m NOT going to talk to them, because I’d be wasting my time, but then if I’m [...]

A post over on the Sports Page reminded me of something I’ve wanted to write about for some time. While I enjoy football as much as the next guy, I am NAUSEATED by the coverage during the offseason. Especially since fantasy football started taking off, I’m sick of football by the time the regular season [...]

There will be a meet & greet, book reading with Brother John, and signing w/ members of moe.
this Tuesday, July 29th at Barnes & Noble in Peoria!
12:00 - 1:30 PM
You’re invited! Show up early!
Brother John will do a reading from “Tales from the moe.Republic’ at Barnes & Noble in Peoria, IL. Accompanying John will be [...]

A celebration of competition and human rights is being held in a country notorious for their violations of human rights, including the intellectual enslavement of the entire nation of Tibet. Does anyone else see something wrong with this picture? It’s amazing what a thriving economy can buy you.

We have a very easy to use automatic coffee maker in our office. Next to the very easy to use coffee maker is a very easy to use coffee bean grinder. For some reason, using these very easy to use tools is beyond the grasp of the vast majority of the employees in my building. [...]

Josh Hamilton is a freaking stud.
And seriously, what the fuck was Erin Andrews wearing? It looked like somebody fucked her with a giant green umbrella, then turned it inside out and pulled it over her nice white blouse. Nothing makes a tall chick with nice boobs look weirder than a waistline strapped to her underwires.

An optimist stays up to see the New Year in. A pessimist waits to make sure the old one leaves.
- Bill Vaughan

Since I’ve just hit my “serious post” quota for the year, I thought I’d insert a nice link here to get us back on the proper Morton Malaise path. It’s all about group dinners. Enjoy.

I have a serious moral quandary going on. I recently discovered through the IL Sex Offender Registry that the guy who just moved in above me is considered a sexual predator. Apparently, at the age of 17, he had inappropriate contact with a 7-year-old child. This is reprehensible, disgusting, and many other words I don’t [...]