Morton Malaise

I just want to make a few points about Fratgate 2008 in the form of hypotheticals.
- If I poked a cop in the arm while babbling on belligerently, I would be thrown to the ground and handcuffed, perhaps even Tasered. I would then be charged with assaulting an officer and have to spend lots [...]

For anyone who is curious, the new header is a picture of the fire at Morton Welding on May 3rd, 2007. Shortly after I took this picture, the fire reached the propane tank storage cabinet and I watched a tank soar about 100 feet over my head and 200 yards behind me. That’s when they [...]

Often times I tell people about the comedic brilliance that is Kissing Suzy Kolber. Among the jewels today is this excerpt from the Meast of the Week entry. CC is listing a few of the things that pissed him off this week:
When I’m driving in the center lane of a highway, and people pass [...]

From an email I sent to PI regarding Bradley and the city of Peoria:
I don’t know…It just pisses me off when the PJS and the City Council vilify the Bradley student body and make it sound like they’re a scourge on the Peoria community. If it weren’t for Bradley, a lot of businesses in this [...]

Just a quick heads up about a suspicious e-mail that showed up in my inbox a few hours ago. Consider yourself warned:
SUBJECT: REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP
DEAR AMERICAN:
I NEED TO ASK YOU TO SUPPORT AN URGENT SECRET BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP WITH A TRANSFER OF FUNDS OF GREAT MAGNITUDE.
I AM MINISTRY OF THE TREASURY OF THE [...]

Due to a required trip to the bustling metropolis of Ripley, Tennessee, for a meeting with a customer, I will most regretably be unable to attend the upcoming Blogger Bash on September 30th. This is an especially hard pill to swallow since I’m the one who helped plan it several weeks ago. I hope you [...]

CoC’s spend a lot of time, money, and energy trying to establish a good reputation for their town. Especially a community like Canton, which most Central Illinoisans know as a nice town with nice people. Unfortunately, to everyone in the rest of the country, any part of Illinois not in Chicago is backwoods inbreds. I’m [...]

Thanks to Deadspin for this letter from the Dean of Students to the student body of Auburn University. This should be fun.
Dear Auburn Student,
I wanted to remind each of you about the importance of your support for our team and displaying character this weekend when L.S.U. fans and other guests arrive this weekend. First, please [...]

99.9 the Stage was the last semblance of good FM music programming in Peoria. The music ranged from John Mayer to the Talking Heads to the Kooks. I seem to remember the programming director opening up to the people of Peoria and asking what they wanted on the station, and the people responded with a [...]

For those of you who say you “just can’t understand what those rapper guys are saying.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6H0i1RAdHk