Morton Malaise

September.
September, you smell like fabric softener, and you look
Like the glint of raindrops on a leaf shining
In the closing eye of summer,
So brilliant and so scared
of the snowflakes that will soon cover you.

September, you want to cool at night,
And you want the breeze to blow and tell of
The long, cold, dead winter to come.
You can’t fool the summer, September.
Summer knows she has gone,
So very quickly.

September, you smile slyly at me like
We know something yet
You tease me with your 75 degree days and
Your 60 degree nights.

I see my breath and wipe the dew from my windows
On your cold mornings,
And I know you,
And I remember what you are.

September, you pretentious bastard child
Of a year that passes more
And more quickly with
Every year that passes in my life.

September, month 9 of the 2008th year
Of Our Lord.
Say goodnight,
Walk away,
Turn your back,
And face the dawn of another winter.

September.

Today after work, I get to go to Medpointe in Morton. Why you ask? On Sunday, we went to the liquor store to get beer for the benefit. As I removed the beer from the cooler and stepped away, the cooler door shut quickly on the back of my foot (I was in flops, of course), slicing a large chunk of flesh from the area above my heel. Being a stupid retard, I didn’t clean the wound. I just stuck a paper towel on it until it stopped bleeding. Because I had been drinking all weekend, it took about 2 hours for the bleeding to completely stop. Well, I’m guessing cooler doors at liquour stores aren’t the most sterile environment for the removal of human flesh. Today when I woke up, my heel was throbbing and the area had become a bit red. As the day has worn on, the redness has started to spread a bit. So, to be safe, I’m going to the doctor after work, who will do one of several things:
1.) Say, “You should be fine. Just keep Neosporin on it and bandage it,”
2.) Give me a course of antibiotics,
3.) Give me a tetanus shot, or
4.) Say, “MY GOD! It smells like cheese and it’s green! You’ve gone gangrenous, dear boy! We’ll have to remove the foot.”

I really hope it’s not #3. I HATE shots.

Update: I got a tetanus shot AND a 10-day course of antibiotics. Fortunately, it was just my copay plus $4 for the antibiotics.

-Tom Brady is out for the season. It’s sort of classless and juvenile to celebrate someone being severely injured, no matter what a douchebag they are. I don’t care. Have fun, Mr. Cassel. Oh, and don’t bother watching ESPN for the next week. I can tell you the stories they will run ad nauseam. Tom Brady hurt, Favre wins first game, Rodgers does the Lambeau leap, Yankees/Red Sox, more Tom Brady.

-If not for the atrocious playcalling in the 4th quarter, the Dolphins-Jets game would not have been nearly as close. Sending Thomas Jones on a run on 3rd and 7 when he’s only broken 2 runs more than 3 yards all game is universally stupid. Going for it on 4th and 17 would be stupid, if not for a hurt kicker and the field position and Brett Favre being the quarterback.

-Man, the Raiders are bad. I mean really fucking bad.

-Those Bears. I don’t think anyone expected that. Let’s not make a habit of it, OK Bears? I’ll let this one go because I actually hate the Colts more than the Bears. I think I may have heard someone mention the game being a rematch of a Superbowl once or 346432647 times.

-Falcons good or Lions bad? Discuss.

-Man, the Rams are bad. I mean really fucking bad.

-Vince Young appears to be going off the deep end. His family had to call the police to track him down Monday night. This after he appeared to give up at the end of this week’s game.

Why in the name of sweet Christ on a mighty sailing ship would you have Thomas Jones, who has obviously been struggling to break a run more than 3 yards, run on three consecutive downs, the third of which was a 3rd down and 7. You have one of the best quarterbacks to ever play the game under center, you have a lead, and there are 9 minutes left in the game. Bad form, BF Mangini. Bad form, sir. That ALMOST cost us the ball game.

Oh yeah, and going for it on 4th and 13 because the kicker is hurt was pretty friggin’ awesome. If we wouldn’t have made it, I might have been upset.

I, like many other fans of our lowly Chicago Cubs, have been the type of fan waiting for the other shoe to drop for many years. Waiting to see how our Cubbies are gonna fuck it up this year, who’s going to get hurt, which pitcher is going to take the mound with a Super Soaker full of kerosene and a lit match coming down the stretch.

Not this year.

Not this year, and frankly, I’m disappointed and angered by all you glass half-empty self-defeatist fucks. Everyone hoping and praying they get the chance to say “Well, maybe next year. Again. HAHA!” or “Well, whaddya expect? It’s the Cubbies?” NOT THIS YEAR. Know the last time the Cubs swept a doubleheader away from home with a margin of victory as large as the one a couple weeks ago? 1908. Coincidence? I think not. This is OUR YEAR. There have been too many amazing things that have happened this year for it not to be our year. Coming back from 10 runs down? Check. First home losing streak of more than 2 games not until September? Check. Best record at home? Check. Fewest losing streaks more than two games? Check.

Now, I know what you’re all thinking. Fukudome is ice cold. Zambrano is skipping MRI’s when he’s obviously hurt. Rich Harden is definitely not healthy. Marmol is a ticking timebomb. Well, I say fuck it. It’s our year, and none of that shit is getting in the way of our Cubbies.

For shame, naysayers. For shame.

I went to get my brakes done on Saturday. The person who was doing them told me to wait 30-45 minutes before coming, so I went down Pioneer Parkway to look at a few cars. I ended up buying one. It’s a 2008 Mitsubishi Lancer ES with the Technology Pacakge that includes a touchscreen central display with GPS, Sirius Satellite Radio (with 6 months free), full Bluetooth connectivity with voice dialing and internal phonebook, and 120GB hard drive for storing music onboard. All this for $50 more a month. Yeah, I’m happy. Oh, and I had to call my buddy who was going to do the brakes to tell him that I probably wouldn’t need it done anymore.

‘Tis the season for the betterment of mankind! I received an email this morning from my good friend Brandon.

As you know, I will be hosting a benefit for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society on Sunday, September 7th. The doors will open at 5 PM at my house, 919 W Moss. Game starts at 7:15PM I will be charging $20 a head, and food and non-alcoholic beverages will be included with admission. If you want to you are more than welcome to bring your own alcohol. If you can pass this on to your family and anybody else that may be interested in attending, I would greatly appreciate it. If you could also put it on your blog, that would be spectacular? Thank you Cory.

The address for anybody that might like to donate but cannot attend is listed below:

Brandon Buffington
919 West Moss Avenue
Peoria, IL 61606

Again, thank you Cory.

Anyone who is interested or has any questions can email me at CB61550@gmail.com, or Brandon at brando_43@hotmail.com.