Morton Malaise

Their fans are tasteless cum gargling fuckwads who shit on their parents’ graves while they jerk off. And they can’t even make it through the national anthem without being disrespectful douchenozzle cockgoblins. From the Jets-Pats game a few weeks ago:

I don’t normally blog about stuff I read in the paper, but I have to today. Some whack job wrote in to The Fishwrap That is the Peoria Journal Star and said the Americans who applauded Barack Obama should be ashamed because he supports the homosexual lifestyle, abortion, and redistribution of wealth, and therefore is Godless. O NOES! TEH POORZ CAN HAZ MY MUNEE?! HE IZ AUNTY CRIEST! Wasn’t it Jesus who brought the fish to the party and everyone ate it? And the whole help your fellow man, meek shall inherit the earth thing? What was that all about? Apparently, this crazy fucker thinks Christ was crucified because he was a board member for AT&T when the monopoly got busted. I don’t know what church Batshit McBatshiterson belongs to, but instead of unleavened bread and wine for communion, I’m pretty sure they give out stock options and a little spot on the water in the Hamptons. The heaven I go to might have pearly gates and golden fleeces, but if there’s a bunch of Michael-Douglas-in-Wall-Street-looking douchebags driving Ferraris and getting blowjobs from overpriced Park Avenue hookers, I’m fucking leaving. Well, maybe after I drive a Ferrari or 10. And the blowjobs in Heaven are probably pretty good. But that’s not the point. It’s a damn good thing all us Christians aren’t this crazy, RENO.

Kate sent a meme thing saying I’m a Kreativ Blogger to me. I’m too lazy to put the little picture thing in my blog, so you’ll just have to take MM’s word for it. She probably did it because she likes to make me try to be funny. I don’t feel like being funny. The rules:

The rules:

(1) List six things that make you happy
(2) Pass the award on to 6 more kreativ bloggers
(3) Link back to the person who gave you the award
(4) Link to the people you are passing it on to and leave them a comment to let them know.
(5) Request scantily clad photos of your blogger friends of the opposite sex.

1.) Fast cars. There’s nothing quite like going fast enough to make you worry about flying off the road, diving into a high-speed increasing radius curve from the outside, touching your tires to the inside line, heel-toeing into a hairpin and hearing the engine go from a growl to a high whine on exit, or flicking a shifter through all 6 gates to make you feel alive. And it’s fun to scare the people in the car with you.

2.) New episodes of Celebrity Rehab and Intervention. Any time I can watch people whose lives are waaaay more fucked up than mine, I feel pretty good. Especially that chick who was huffing Duster all day long. That bitch was fucking NUTS!

3.) Raspberry lemonade from Quizno’s. It’s probably the most delicious beverage ever invented. CORRECTION: Most delicious NON-ALCOHOLIC beverage ever invented.

4.) I feel unoriginal for doing this, but she knows.

5.) Walking through the door of my apartment at 530 Friday afternoon, taking off the work clothes, taking a shower, and putting on weekend clothes. The sense of freedom (at least for a couple of days) is exhilirating. I get a natural high that I can only compare to the feeling after good sex for the first few hours after 5 PM on Fridays.

6.) Sleeping until between 1 and 3 PM on weekends. Any later wastes the day. Any earlier means I probably didn’t get enough sleep.

Six people. Hmm..

The True Story of What Was
RENO!!! HAHA!!!
Angie

Well, there are three. That’s it for now because pretty much everyone else has been memed already. And I’m waiting for the granny panties, ladies.