Holy fucking shit. There have been a few times in my life that I nearly shed tears in mourning of the 30-60 minutes of my life I will never get back. Last night was one of those times. Tool Academy is so fucking awful, I feel bad for the cameraman that had to film it, because he probably had to reschedule his colostomy bag fitting/dentist appointment/vasectomy to film that steaming load of horse jizz. The dudes are total douchehoses. They’re disrespectful, metrosexual, self-absorbed, nippledick cumstains on the torn panties of the Earth. What’s more, they’ve obviously been coached to ham it up as much as possible. And the girlfriends are even worse. The girlfriends are the stupidest, lowest self-esteem, crybabiest doormats I’ve ever seen. “My boyfriend cheats on me and tells people he has me trained and takes my child support money to go out partying and flipping other chicks but I love him and want to make it work.” You know what, you stupid fucking cum dumpster? HE’S NOT GOING TO CHANGE AND YOU’RE A STUPID FUCKING BITCH FOR STAYING WITH HIM AND IT’S YOUR FAULT FOR NOT GETTING THE FUCK OUT, YOU FUCKING STUPID FUCKING FUCKTARDED SKANK BITCH! The women are going to get infected with all the puss-secreting, oily discharge, swollen, itchy genital STD’s that their slut boyfriends get, and I have a really hard time feeling any pity at all. Maybe then they’ll learn to stay away from dudes who get their hair dyed more often than they do and use enough sticky shit in their hair to build a life-size replica of the Eiffel Tower out of toothpicks.

I can’t wait to see what happens next week!